2022 is on our toes; who already start to reflect and design all year round resolutions? But, do you realize when we are start to listing these things, most of us are torn between the duality of what is playing out in our minds and what is actually will taking place around us?
We are, indeed, having certain expectations that these things should go in a specific way, which then we called it as a “resolution” — whether it is for a job, family, friends, or significant other. Somehow, some parts also expected to live up to the hype, and the trouble with this kind of thoughts is that higher expectations will cost you a higher level of happiness, gratitude, and even performance. But again, a gentle reminder: you cannot projecting fixed expectations in the impermanence and uncertainity of life.
Stoic reminds us to see the world as it is, rather than demanding it to fits our so called resolutions (and expectations) — one of stoicism principles is understanding what we can control and not.
“We are all actors in a play written by someone else […] The things we can control are how we act, think, and interact with other actors in the play. The things we cannot control are the setting (time and place), the actors, and the different scenes that are going to happen in the play”
Epictetus, a Greek philosopher.
However, often times we place our expectation in higher place, especially with the exposure of social media that bombarded with prompts to compare ourselves to be more, have more, and buy more. Therefore, when we expect too much from ourselves, it also cost us a feeling of inadequate, unworthy, and in many cases, guilty. Whereas in reality, most people are just doing their best out of what they have. Stoic deemed it as our ‘reasoned choice’ or negative visualization — contemplating the range of potential outcomes including the worst-case and unfavorable scenarios.
For Stoics, negative visualization is an effective technique to see the world as the greatest mind does not able to alternate reality and everything will not fall according to plan. Stoics believe the world does not work like that; it navigates inevitable obstacles and turn them to man’s advantage. The only expectations that you are worth to holding onto is the opportunities to live by your own values and principles. Then, leverage your resourcefulness regardless the obstacles and circumstances is what makes it important. Stoic says: look for your own momentum.
“Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it — turns it to its puposes, incorporates it into itself — so, too, a rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal,”
Marcus Aurelius
Therefore, instead of hanging all your expectations in the resolutions list that you made, it is also better to prepare yourself to handle a range potential outcomes, develop confidence in any results you achieved, and limit any expectations beyond your reasoned choice. Acknowledging these will help you to develop the mindfulness and resilience towards progress of your own. This is, by what Stoic called the negotiation between the reality and expectations.
I personally think, managing expectations does not mean as an act of repressing our grand goals. Instead, we should see it as the process of accepting because some things not going turn out like what we want them to be.
